I feel emotionally exhausted as I let the real estate agent let me into the house I once made a home. The song lyrics of Swift’s “All too well” play in my head as I walk through the front door. “And you call me up again, just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I’m a crumbled up piece of paper lying here cause I remember it…”. Then as ever internally conflicted as I always am being a Pisces (and clearly a Swiftie), the tune switches to “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trust’s me, I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams”. Envision the sad, broken victim on one shoulder and the vindictive, you should’ve known better, revenge goddess on the other. Yes this is what I imagine would be transcending through my brain, as this hasn’t actually supervened yet.
It’s a rush of emotions. I mean is anyone in this world a man/woman of their word anymore? Call it a life lesson or whatever you want to but I call it plain and simple wrong. Mean. Where is the integrity people? Are we all a society of fools narcissistic-ally caring about no one but our selves? Screwing others to seek happiness in ourselves? I don’t know why this would come as a surprise to me. Maybe its because my heart is pure and my soul is still innocent, forever seeing the good in people and situations before the bad. It’s like learning life lessons such as how many times do you have to touch the hot stove before you realize its going to burn you! Ugh, the mere and utter disappointment. My recent failures and let downs this past year should have more prepared me for this moment (there’s the anger again!). My parents always did say, I like to learn the hard way (…but whyyy)!
It’s during this sorrow that I stumble upon these words of wisdom, providing hope to my still childlike soul. “Disappointments are just God’s way of saying I’ve got something better. Be patient, live life, have faith.” After all, I always say everything happens for a reason. I believe where there’s a will there’s a way too. So call it a life learning lesson, but in this moment it surely doesn’t minimize the worry and anger.
If you’re still with me here, let me explain, this is all regarding the couple backing out of buying our Orlando home, as well as not depositing and releasing the deposited funds on the dates they were supposed to. I feel a fool. These were funds that made their offer the one we accepted, denying the other families offer putting them one step further from purchasing their dream home. The funds we so needed during our transition to our Fresh Start in North Carolina after a tumultuous year of 2018 with Mark’s health and job. I trusted these people and our realtors that this was the right decision, that they were all in, but just being brutally honest here- it clearly couldn’t have been.
Like I said though, where there’s a will there’s a way and that’s what has always made me see the hard times through and always able to find a solution. Simply put, when push comes to shove I ALWAYS Persevere. It’s my spirit to. So here we are again figuring it out and will end up stronger and smarter from this experience but boy right now, it feels like a low blow.
I almost feel guilty posting this though because at least we have our health right? At least we both have jobs again, families, each other, the list goes on. I’m proud we took a leap of courageous faith towards living the life of our dreams and on purpose by moving to NC. I remind myself It can always be worse.
So that being said, lets make lemonade out of lemons. And I truly hope to be back here soon saying it all makes sense now and everything fell right into place. I just don’t want to be wrongfully taken advantage of. None of us do right? I mean and at that point its a matter of principle, integrity and ethics. It boils down to something we all learned in kindergarten- The Golden Rule - Treat Other As You Would Want To Be Treated. Somehow in our transition to adulthood we seem to easily harbor this principle far away in the back of minds.
So I dare to ask you. What do you do when you have been taken advantage of? What do you do when you were sorely mistaken? How do you turn your lemons into lemonade with a cut so deep?
I hope to choose to have Gratitude for the brutal lessons I learn, shaping my character. But is it truly better to have character, always taking the high road when there are just some really bad people in this world, constantly willing to take advantage of the one who bites their tongue?