Word Vomit. You know that moment you’ve said something that you instantly feel like you want to take back but at the same time kind of feel relieved you got it out because it was honest emotion, despite being hurtful and quite possibly over-exaggerated in the heat of the moment? Yup, that happened to me over the weekend while in the car with my husband (God bless his sensitive soul). I think we’ve all been here a time or two.
We had just received some pretty disappointing bad news about the scheduled closing of our Orlando property. I’m not even going to dive into those details here yet but needless to say it was unexpected and we kind of feel royally taken advantage of. But that’s life right? Stuff happens! But it’s not supposed to happen to meee!! Ok, you think with the year we had and all, with my 31 year old husband suddenly getting diagnosed with stage 2 Cancer, you think I would’ve learned we are not invincible nor the exception to the rule. Gosh, Stupid human, here we go again!
Look I know it will all work out, in the end it always does. But I felt pretty bad for the things I had just said (maybe spoken firmly is a better description, or better yet in the name of being honest, the word I’m looking for is “yelled”, not said). Ughhhh. Yes I yelled at my poor husband who was equally as frustrated and upset already as I was. Why do we tend to take our pain out on the one we love the most when we’re hurting?
Of course I apologized (secretly unwilling-like because I’m stubborn- yes I just admitted to that) and everything within 20 minutes was fine. Plus in my defense ladies, it was also that time of the month and my husband made a very presumptuous comment ok, that literally just put me over the edge. It went down something like this… “You don’t get me, this is harder than it looks for me, I feel like everything was perfect and in the blink of an eye again its all falling apart. I’m the one with all the risk, I’m the one that put everything on the line to come here, I’ve got everything to loose…me, me, me…ugh… why why why!”
Wow I can’t believe I just typed that out to the universe, sharing with you all. Pretty shameful right? Lets just say I’m in the business of being overly dramatic- I come from a long line of dramatic women starting not far from my mother (sorry mom but Dad even knows its true!!). It wasn’t long before I realized I just freaked out, said some pretty hurtful things, and didn’t get anywhere. Time to get off my self pitying high horse and apologize.
I share all of that I guess to say this. Social media does a wonderful job of glamourizing individuals lives to the point of “self comparison no return”. I’m not perfect just as you are not either (sorry if that made you uncomfortable), and one of my goals as well as one of the things you all requested to see more of this year, was simply put…just me. And I realize I’m in a pretty lucky situation that you even care enough to want to see more of my completely imperfect, flawed, yet happy, positive go lucky self. So I better put my inspiration and words to good use.
So here it is y’all. All of me. The good the bad. I hope we can use this space as a place to be real. To really connect with each other, and to build each other up. I’m really looking forward to this new segment “Coffee with Jess” and I know you are too. In the mean time though, ice cream anyone?
*What I Wore Linked Here*
Photography by Montes Digital Consulting